Thr3e months in hell - Memoirs from my study leave

"Long is the way, and hard, that out of hell leads up to light." - John Milton

The life of a C.A. student isn’t easy. It’s a saga of struggle, despair, hope, hopelessness, insanity, sacrifice; and all the other elements that go into making a ‘70s Hindi movie. And that’s the biggest problem… just like our Hindi movies, a C.A. student’s life also stretches to what seems like eternity.

One can safely say (and I am sure those who know me will agree), that I am not a conventional C.A. student. For starters, I am not particularly fond of most of the subjects, tend to fool around when I need to study, have an attention span of five minutes for all academic purposes, never stick to my plans, and am definitely not in the habit of daily studies. Not to mention sleeping in class, always being on the phone, living on movies rather than study material (or even food)… you get the drift.

Like everyone else, the day I cleared my C.A. PE II exam, I decided that I would study everyday for my finals. But, like everyone else, I didn’t. No sir, the entire ocean of C.A. final exam studies came crashing down like a tsunami in the three months before my exams, i.e., my study leave.

As I awoke on August 1^st, my first thoughts were not about attacking my books; it was about the movie reviews in “The Times of India”. After I had performed this all important task, I chalked up a plan – 10 days for each subject, leaving me with 10 days for revision!! Planning phase complete! The sheer simplicity of it reflected the true genius (or stupidity, call it what you will) of its creator.

Thus began the journey… I trudged along, trying to study for more than 4 hours a day, amidst distractions created by Oriya music (courtesy my cook), Bhojpuri music videos (courtesy my roommate), and necessities like the telephone, television, sleep, etc. And of course, there were the classes for Costing, Law and Direct Tax. By the time August was over, I had finished running through MAFA, auditing and MICS, and had forgotten every word I had read. But at least I was going as per plan.

I think it was September 1^st (I had lost track of time by then), when the nightmares started. Since I was attending costing classes, and studying solving MAFA or accounts at home, most of my thoughts revolved around sums. I would dream at night that I was furiously solving some huge sum. But then, I knew that I was dreaming (probably because I realized that if I were solving the sum so well, I had to be dreaming). It was like I was watching myself as a third person viewer, and thinking “I don’t remember seeing this sum anywhere, but then since I am solving it so well, it must be there somewhere.” I would wake up with a start and frantically look into my books for anything bearing even the slightest resemblance to the sum. By the time I realized that I would never find the sum, I had lost my sleep and would wearily hit the books again.

The days zoomed past, and my studies crawled ahead. Amidst power-cuts, “Rock On”, a visit home, “A Wednesday”, phone calls, “Drona” (shudder), feelings of damnation, and classes I couldn’t follow, I tried to push in as much information into my head as I could. Things had actually started looking positive as October came in. But of course, the worst was yet to come.

Most professors who teach the Indian Income Tax Act, 1961, say that they prefer the subject to remain difficult. “How would chartered accountants earn if the law was simple that anyone could read it?” I have to admit that the point is valid; but then how can they expect us to pass the exams? Income tax is a subject that I dread, and I had left it for the last month. When I told this to friends, they were surprised. But then, they came up with as many suggestions as they could so that I could keep up with my schedule. For the first time in the past three months, I was scared to even open my books. I prayed to God to give me strength. I spent a lot of time on the phone, crying about my situation and listening to words of encouragement from the other end. I think that may have been the only thing that kept me going at that point of time.

After getting a new hairdo at Tirupati, and moving into a new house on the auspicious occasion of Diwali (I hoped that moving in during the festival of lights would somehow miraculously shield our house from power-cuts. I was wrong, of course). My few days of revision involved looking at a few pages per subject per day, burning the midnight oil, and crying about how I had wasted so much time in life. I kept scratching my newly acquired bald plate, thinking about how badly I had screwed up.

The time had come, all too soon. My three months of toil, sweat and tears had all lead to this. I reached the exam center in Jayanagar to attend my accountancy exam. I was equipped with all the necessary stationery. I found some friends with whom to exchange last minute woes. Somehow, it seemed I was the only one with the woes in the world of confident C.A.s to be. Probably the phone was a better idea. I called up the one person who had undying faith in me, and who had emotionally carried me through the last three months – Shachi, my girlfriend. Being a non-C.A. and a recently qualified MBA graduate, she was the only one who understood me but was still non-judgmental. “You will clear. I just know it!” she would say defiantly to all my comments on how I was so dead. “How on earth can you say that???” “I don’t know… And I don’t care! All I know is, you will clear!” These words, though crazy, were deeply comforting. Reassured, I sat to write the exam. And I got royally screwed.

Most people said that the one day leave between exams is a welcome gift for students. Although I am thankful for this day, the emotional turmoil that I went through during these days makes me wonder if this is actually a boon or a curse. Seeing how my accounts paper had gone, I decided to rethink my strategy. Not for studies of course (It was too late for that), but on the stuff I did before the exam. I decided on a new routine. I shaved before the night of the second exam. Before I left for the exam, I would watch a ‘certain’ genre of short movies (people who know me best can guess what I am talking about), just like I used to before exams in college. “It relaxes you, and at the same time stimulates you.” That was my explanation. After my ritual phone call, I sat for my MAFA paper. It went surprisingly well, thus deciding my pre-exam ritual for the next six papers.

After the other five exams went pretty well (other than the fact that all the questions I thought were important for auditing were considered unimportant by the examiners, I had an emotional breakdown before my law paper, my costing answer paper had many empty pages in between, I wrote nonsense in my MICS paper, and almost fainted before my direct tax paper), the unthinkable happened. The day before the indirect tax paper, the electricity at my house went off, and refused to come back. Panicking, I went to a nearby building using a generator to ask if I could study. They flatly refused, earning my curses. By the time I was about to leave for my friend’s house to study, the electricity came back. God, and BESCOM, have a weird sense of humor.

Finally, the day had arrived. My last exam! As hard as I tried to focus on the task of studying, all I could think of was whatever I had thought of doing after the exams all through my study leave. I wasn’t really scared of the exam, since it was the easiest paper in the last attempt. In the morning, the electricity went off again. This would have been ok, except for the fact that my ritual would be broken. I used the little battery left in my laptop to watch at least something. What can I say, desperate times call for desperate measures (not that kind of desperate, you moron!!). I went for the exam with a weird feeling in my stomach. Shachi told me I was crazy. The exam came. And I got screwed.

I won’t go into the details of my post-exam depression. Needless to say, my post-exam plans of fun were washed by the tears I cried in my mind. My struggle had ended in tragedy, thanks to my first and last paper. It hurt. But now there was nothing to do, except wait and watch… and pray.

Looking back at it all, I realize how dumb I was, and how inadequate my preparation. But would I have prepared any other way? Honestly, I don’t know. Crazy as it may seem, I actually enjoyed my study leave. I know I study best under pressure. I enjoy the rush. Just like a rollercoaster ride. But maybe this was a bit too close for comfort. Who knows?

Like I said, the life of a C.A. student isn’t easy. In fact, it is downright difficult. But then, maybe it should be. After all, isn’t the path to salvation beset with all sorts of trials and tribulations? Isn’t that what makes everyone value it all the more? Or am I just talking a lot of crap? Whatever may be the case, I believe that it’s all worth it. I just wish it wasn’t oh-so-hard.

Disclaimer: Don’t try my study methods for your exams. Please!