Thursday, February 9, 2017

What the gym and Game of Thrones taught me about fraternity

I recently started going to the gym in my office again. And I observed something common between people who go to the gym and people who watch Game of Thrones. Actually that’s misleading (though it’s a catchy idea) – what I noticed is something that is common to most fraternities, if not all. My recent visits to the gym have been met with a lot of enthusiasm from other friends from work who are regulars at the gym. They offer suggestions on correct postures, politely exaggerate my achievements, give pep talks and generally “have my back”.

I observed the same phenomenon when I started watching Game of Thrones, and it was even more evident when I started reading the books. The fans of the show/books in your friend circle are all excited when you start watching or reading, and they are always there if you want to get into discussions (which is inevitable). But the greatest proof of fans watching out for one of their own is the policing around plot spoilers. The number of forums dedicated to the show and books are insane, but despite so many avenues, the amounts of spoilers that come out are surprisingly low (especially given that there are so many things to spoil). And it isn’t that this just happens – almost all content on analysis of the books or show comes with more than adequate spoiler warnings.

There have been other instances earlier in my life as well. When I was an article assistant for an audit firm, I had to travel to Mumbai by train. Towards the end of my already long and quite uncomfortable journey, I had to take a local to reach the hotel. My colleague and I didn’t find a seat right away and we were standing as the train groaned into motion. But almost soon after, a person got up from his seat and offered it to me saying “I guess you are new to the city. Take a seat – be comfortable.” (I guess my bags and “somebody kill me” expression gave it away). A few others nodded sympathetically and started shuffling to make way for me to take off my backpack and sit. Taken aback and a bit unsure of how to receive this generosity, I first offered the seat to an older gentleman who was standing near to me. He waved me away, and my saviour told me “Don’t worry – he’ll get a seat. You sit down”; and proceeded to almost forcefully plonk me onto the seat.

When I was a college student in Chennai, I enrolled for CA classes at the prestigious Prime Academy. The institute, famous for its brilliant faculty and its status as temple of CA learning, is also notorious for its early morning classes. Without a vehicle, I had to wake up before dawn and walk two kilometres to catch a bus and get to class barely on time if I was lucky. And all that effort would earn me a miniscule portion of a bench in the last row, where I could precariously rest half a butt cheek. I gave up after two days. A few days later, a classmate at college who also attended classes at the academy came up to me and casually enquired on my absence. I told him my situation, and he instantly offered to pick me up. He waved away my protests with a simple “Your place is on my way to class – it’s no trouble.”

I know that the examples I have given aren’t formal fraternities (though they fit the bill), and that this behaviour is expected in a fraternity – in fact it should be its defining feature. But when I hear about the kind of horrors one has to go through to get into an actual college fraternity in many places, and the continued abuse they face to stay in, I’m not so sure. There are assholes in every group, but I have had mostly positive experiences and I am grateful for it. And I don’t want to get political, but the idea of fraternity is slowly getting a lot of hate around the world; which seems to be leaning towards cliques not so slowly but oh-so surely.

I guess I’m just trying to point out the lasting need for fraternity, and that a few seemingly small acts of kindness can leave a lasting impression. Or maybe I’m just trying to thank the nice guys who made me feel welcome in an uncertain time and place. Or maybe I wanted to brag about going to the gym (however briefly). Either way, thought I should put this out there.


P.S. Harish, if you are reading this, I am forever grateful for the bike rides to class. Without knowing it, you made a CA out of me.