The cafe was crowded that night, and it was by an off-chance that Priya noticed Kiran enter. Or perhaps, it was decided by fate. Despite the dread of facing the person she had hurt long ago, Priya could not stop herself in time and found herself calling out to Kiran. Kiran looked thoroughly surprised, but walked to the table immediately, smiling.
“My friends have taken a table at the smoking section – I’ll call them and let them know I won’t be joining them”; Kiran said without hesitation in response to Priya’s invitation to join her. After the call, the two of them sat opposite to each other, exchanging nervous glances and sheepish smiles. It wasn’t until the waiter arrived to take their order that they spoke further.
Priya did not know where to start. Gingerly, she tried to make small talk.
“So, how have you been?”
“Good. It’s nice to meet you. It’s been so long! You still look lovely as ever.”
“You’ve changed so much. I could hardly recognize you.”
“Well, yeah. You could say I went through quite an image makeover from the school days.”
“Hmm.. So, how is everyone?”
“Parents are good… You don’t know anyone else in my circle, so I won’t bore you with that stuff.”
The waiter came back with their order. Priya reflected on the conversation so far. It was definitely going better than expected. Kiran hadn’t completely ignored her. Or hurled abuses at her. But she still was not sure on how to bring up the delicate subject. Take it one step at a time, she thought to herself.
“You still haven’t lost your sense of humor. And your flair for journalism. I’ve been following many of your articles. And they’re really good. Of course you don’t need me to tell you that – you’ve been raking in the awards!”
“Haha! Thanks. Well yeah, professional life has been good. Actually, come to think of it, so has my personal life. Anyway, enough about me. What’s going on with you?”
“Oh no! The conversation was just starting to get interesting. Are you.. “ Priya hesitated. “Are you seeing someone?”
“Tell me what’s going on with you, and I promise I will answer all your questions.”
Realizing there was no escape, Priya sighed. “Well, what’s there to say? I lead a pretty boring life – I got married 5 years ago. I’ve been a dutiful housewife since.”
Kiran did not miss the hint of bitterness in Priya’s voice, but decided to press on. “Come on, give me a few details.” The voice was overly cheerful, trying to mask the uneasiness of its owner.
“His name is Madhav. Things are… good.”
Not knowing what to say, Kiran muttered “Hmm.. Nice.”
Priya tried to sound cheerful. “So, who is the special someone?”
Kiran smiled. “Her name is Radha. We are currently living together. She works as an investment banker. Of course, I am sure you wouldn’t approve of our relationship.”
Priya felt the words sting her. “I’m not the same person, you know.”, she replied coldly.
“I mean about the whole ‘live-in’ thing. Sheesh, relax!”
“Whatever.”
An uneasy silence followed. Priya stared at her well-manicured fingernails, trying to frame her next words. The apology that had not been told for ten years. The words that might, just might, help wash away the guilt gnawing inside her for all those years.
“Listen.. Kiran.. I wanted to apologize to you.. for what I did.. all those years ago…” Priya’s voice trailed off.
Kiran tried to hide any signs of emotion, but the hurt was evident. “Oh? I see.. can you please tell me what exactly you want to apologize for?”
Priya was on the verge of tears. “Kiran, please… I just… I’m so sorry…”
“For what? I want you to say it.” The icy cold tone of Kiran’s voice sent a shiver down Priya’s spine.
“I was only 16 then. What you told me was too much to take. I mean, I was scared. I didn’t know how to react. I mean, my best friend being a lesbian!”
Kiran’s face twisted in anger and sadness. Her voice was trembling now. “So what did you do? You threw me out of your life. And then you distanced yourself from me, made a fool of me in front of all the other girls in school! No wonder I had a nervous breakdown!”
Priya was now sobbing uncontrollably. “I didn’t know how to react. I was stupid.”
Kiran’s eyes gleamed with tears. She did not want to continue, but could not help but vent her emotions. “Oh, you were much more than that. You were inconsiderate to my feelings. I had opened up to you before anyone else. And your reaction was so cruel. I told you I had feelings for you, but it wasn’t like I wanted you or something. But you made me feel like a criminal. For so many years, I felt so guilty, for something that wasn’t even my fault. That wasn’t wrong. So many therapy sessions. Thankfully others around me were supportive. But despite all that, I wished you would accept me for who I was. I hoped you would try and contact me atleast once, let me know that you considered me a friend even if I am gay. But you never did.”
“I am sorry. I don’t know what to say. I wish I could take it all back, I really do. But I cannot. And now, I feel fate has punished me for what I did. My marriage with Madhav is crumbling. We are on the verge of a divorce. I am lonely.. so lonely..”
Kiran’s voice softened. She stretched out her hand to touch Priya’s, but pulled it back. “I am not so sadistic as to say that the tables have been turned. I want you to know that I am truly sorry that you are not happy. But, even if it gives you closure, I cannot forgive you for what you did.”
Priya looked at Kiran, her eyes pleading. Kiran took a breath, wiping the tears that had rolled down her cheeks, before continuing.
“What you did to me scarred me for life. I went through hell, and you didn’t even turn to see what I was going through. I know it must have been difficult for you to accept me, but then you were my best friend. It was your responsibility. And even if you couldn’t accept me for what I was, you didn’t have to go to such lengths to make my life miserable.”
Priya continued sobbing, looking down at her empty coffee mug.
“I wish you have a good life, and that you can find happiness soon. But I don’t want to try and be your friend or get in touch with you. You don’t deserve it. I’m sorry.”
With this, Kiran took some money out of her purse and kept it on the table. Without waiting for a response, she got up and started walking away. Priya could do nothing but stare at the retreating figure of the best friend she had lost.
****
P.S.: I've racked my brains, but am unable to come up with a good title for this post. I have used my working title, which I had intended to change. Would appreciate it if you guys can suggest an alternate title.
“My friends have taken a table at the smoking section – I’ll call them and let them know I won’t be joining them”; Kiran said without hesitation in response to Priya’s invitation to join her. After the call, the two of them sat opposite to each other, exchanging nervous glances and sheepish smiles. It wasn’t until the waiter arrived to take their order that they spoke further.
Priya did not know where to start. Gingerly, she tried to make small talk.
“So, how have you been?”
“Good. It’s nice to meet you. It’s been so long! You still look lovely as ever.”
“You’ve changed so much. I could hardly recognize you.”
“Well, yeah. You could say I went through quite an image makeover from the school days.”
“Hmm.. So, how is everyone?”
“Parents are good… You don’t know anyone else in my circle, so I won’t bore you with that stuff.”
The waiter came back with their order. Priya reflected on the conversation so far. It was definitely going better than expected. Kiran hadn’t completely ignored her. Or hurled abuses at her. But she still was not sure on how to bring up the delicate subject. Take it one step at a time, she thought to herself.
“You still haven’t lost your sense of humor. And your flair for journalism. I’ve been following many of your articles. And they’re really good. Of course you don’t need me to tell you that – you’ve been raking in the awards!”
“Haha! Thanks. Well yeah, professional life has been good. Actually, come to think of it, so has my personal life. Anyway, enough about me. What’s going on with you?”
“Oh no! The conversation was just starting to get interesting. Are you.. “ Priya hesitated. “Are you seeing someone?”
“Tell me what’s going on with you, and I promise I will answer all your questions.”
Realizing there was no escape, Priya sighed. “Well, what’s there to say? I lead a pretty boring life – I got married 5 years ago. I’ve been a dutiful housewife since.”
Kiran did not miss the hint of bitterness in Priya’s voice, but decided to press on. “Come on, give me a few details.” The voice was overly cheerful, trying to mask the uneasiness of its owner.
“His name is Madhav. Things are… good.”
Not knowing what to say, Kiran muttered “Hmm.. Nice.”
Priya tried to sound cheerful. “So, who is the special someone?”
Kiran smiled. “Her name is Radha. We are currently living together. She works as an investment banker. Of course, I am sure you wouldn’t approve of our relationship.”
Priya felt the words sting her. “I’m not the same person, you know.”, she replied coldly.
“I mean about the whole ‘live-in’ thing. Sheesh, relax!”
“Whatever.”
An uneasy silence followed. Priya stared at her well-manicured fingernails, trying to frame her next words. The apology that had not been told for ten years. The words that might, just might, help wash away the guilt gnawing inside her for all those years.
“Listen.. Kiran.. I wanted to apologize to you.. for what I did.. all those years ago…” Priya’s voice trailed off.
Kiran tried to hide any signs of emotion, but the hurt was evident. “Oh? I see.. can you please tell me what exactly you want to apologize for?”
Priya was on the verge of tears. “Kiran, please… I just… I’m so sorry…”
“For what? I want you to say it.” The icy cold tone of Kiran’s voice sent a shiver down Priya’s spine.
“I was only 16 then. What you told me was too much to take. I mean, I was scared. I didn’t know how to react. I mean, my best friend being a lesbian!”
Kiran’s face twisted in anger and sadness. Her voice was trembling now. “So what did you do? You threw me out of your life. And then you distanced yourself from me, made a fool of me in front of all the other girls in school! No wonder I had a nervous breakdown!”
Priya was now sobbing uncontrollably. “I didn’t know how to react. I was stupid.”
Kiran’s eyes gleamed with tears. She did not want to continue, but could not help but vent her emotions. “Oh, you were much more than that. You were inconsiderate to my feelings. I had opened up to you before anyone else. And your reaction was so cruel. I told you I had feelings for you, but it wasn’t like I wanted you or something. But you made me feel like a criminal. For so many years, I felt so guilty, for something that wasn’t even my fault. That wasn’t wrong. So many therapy sessions. Thankfully others around me were supportive. But despite all that, I wished you would accept me for who I was. I hoped you would try and contact me atleast once, let me know that you considered me a friend even if I am gay. But you never did.”
“I am sorry. I don’t know what to say. I wish I could take it all back, I really do. But I cannot. And now, I feel fate has punished me for what I did. My marriage with Madhav is crumbling. We are on the verge of a divorce. I am lonely.. so lonely..”
Kiran’s voice softened. She stretched out her hand to touch Priya’s, but pulled it back. “I am not so sadistic as to say that the tables have been turned. I want you to know that I am truly sorry that you are not happy. But, even if it gives you closure, I cannot forgive you for what you did.”
Priya looked at Kiran, her eyes pleading. Kiran took a breath, wiping the tears that had rolled down her cheeks, before continuing.
“What you did to me scarred me for life. I went through hell, and you didn’t even turn to see what I was going through. I know it must have been difficult for you to accept me, but then you were my best friend. It was your responsibility. And even if you couldn’t accept me for what I was, you didn’t have to go to such lengths to make my life miserable.”
Priya continued sobbing, looking down at her empty coffee mug.
“I wish you have a good life, and that you can find happiness soon. But I don’t want to try and be your friend or get in touch with you. You don’t deserve it. I’m sorry.”
With this, Kiran took some money out of her purse and kept it on the table. Without waiting for a response, she got up and started walking away. Priya could do nothing but stare at the retreating figure of the best friend she had lost.
****
P.S.: I've racked my brains, but am unable to come up with a good title for this post. I have used my working title, which I had intended to change. Would appreciate it if you guys can suggest an alternate title.
